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Permalink Reply by LsMomma on April 1, 2012 at 12:37pm

I've worked with children with special needs since I was 11.  I would suggest starting with examples that will be easier for her to understand.  For example- some children are blind, they can't see.  They use a white cane to help them walk around safely.  Some children are deaf and cannot hear.  They use their hands to "talk."  Some children have physical disabilities and cannot walk.  They might use a wheelchair to get around.  These are examples that are easier for kids to grasp.  Then you can move on to the more abstract.  Some children have mental disabilties, they cannot always learn in the same ways.  Having a disability doesn't make someone bad or weird, it just means there are some things they do in other ways.  I would also take cues from your daughter and let her guide the conversation from there.  I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by MamaMeOh on April 1, 2012 at 2:03pm

When we've come across similar issues, I usually just explain to my kid that sometimes other kids may have a harder time than you in controlling themselves or understanding if they're bothering you or others...I explain that some kids have issues that you may not understand, but like with anyone, this is a time for you to practice patience, and try to be understanding of someone else's difficulties...

 

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Permalink Reply by sailrmerc2 on April 1, 2012 at 2:17pm

I had the conversation with her tonight at dinner.  I told her that her that just like we have talked about people being born deaf or blind before, there are other people who are born with other things they have to overcome in life--just like she, her brother, and I have to overcome asthma.  We talked about how her classmate may have a harder time learning things than others and that she needs to understand that.  I told her that I expected her to be patient with her friend and to be kind to her.  I also told her that her teacher told me her friend looks up to her and that she would be very heroic to be kind and patient and to not let anyone else be mean to her classmate.  I told her this is her friend's private business and not to share it with anyone--that I expected her to be responsible and treat her friend respectfully and it is her classmate's decision whether or not to share her business with any other kids.  My daughter did ask me why God would make her born this way, and I told her what I believe--that God has a plan for all of us and that I am sure he has a very special plan for her classmate.  It's such a hard thing to explain and needs to be broached so carefully.  I hope I did ok, and I'm definitely going to be much more sensitive in the future.

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Permalink Reply by Carrie on April 1, 2012 at 2:19pm

Has the teacher talked to the class about it? Sarah has a student in her class that isn't special needs, but has a birth defect that causes him to be very sensitive to germs and he can't do some things the other kids do. His teacher had a talk with them at the beginning and said, look this is what we are going to have to do to help our friend stay safe. We don't want to get him sick so no one should touch his stuff and we want to be very careful around him when we play. It worked great. I think addressing the elephant in the room was the perfect way for her to handle it.

My kids have been curious about some people when we are out in public so it has given us the opportunity to discuss how everyone is different and we talk about uniqueness. Our school doesn't have a "Special ED" class, so there is a downs child in regular classes and I really like that set up. I do wonder how they explain it to the class, but I guess addressing it from the beginning and giving the kids a sense of ownership over the well being of their friend is a good way to do it. They take it seriously! :)

I personally prefer bluntness. If you know the nature of her disability you can use this as a great learning tool. My kids are good with the whole, "don't embarrass other children" idea and want to understand but won't go to school and be all, this is wrong with you because XYZ... so it may be awkward depending on your child's age. But if she is good with information than that might be a good approach.

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Permalink Reply by La'Dawn Murrell on June 5, 2012 at 9:27am

I am the mom of special needs children. I think in this case talk to the mom of the little girl and get educated about the special needs and ask for advice on how to explain it in childlike terms. 

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